By Margaret Lyons
Updated August 26, 2009 at 05:00 PM EDT

Dear TLC,

Please make a show about insane competitive dog grooming — the crazy kind, not the Best in Show kind. The stories have been floating around online for years, (and the Ninja Turtle dog is a classic), but for some reason, a series of photos from that contest was just republished, and lo, it is both fascinating and creepy. Plus, it makes me feel vaguely superior to the subjects — just like a solid TLC show! I can’t watch the Duggars forever (how many grocery-shopping montages can I sit through? Not that many more!), the Jon and Kate ship has sailed, and it’s time for the Next Big Thing. The show could be like Toddlers and Tiaras, but minus the grotesquery and the awkward ethical implications of televising the systematic oversexualization of little girls. Win-win, you guys.

I can’t recommend the soundtrack here, but the grooming is really astonishing:

How is this not a show already? Animal Planet’s Groomer Has It, while trashy and fun, was more about traditional dog grooming and less about shaving a fluffy lion on the side of your pooch or dressing up together to support the Arkansas Razorbacks. I’m imagining something a la the PBS documentary Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence, except serialized. (FYI, that documentary ruuuuled. And gave us such fabulous images as this and this. Best.)

I would watch the living crap out of a doc-style reality show that profiled competitive “creative grooming,” as it is known. Are you with me, PopWatchers? And are you listening, TLC?