First of all, pictured is some potentially useful proof that if the Food Network ever misplaces ‘Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives’ host Guy Fieri, it has a spare in Alma Mendez, the owner of La Texanita in Santa Rosa, Calif. Whew! Though I’d just like to go on the record as saying I’d be more than happy to change up my own look for the chance to trade lives with the Guy. Starting in present day, of course. The “road-tripping around the U.S. to consume as much locally beloved deep-fried goodness as possible” part, not the “learning to cook well enough to win a reality show” part, because that would take forever and I am so busy. According to my own standards and priorities, the answer to the question in the headline is NO. Guy Fieri is on TV, eats everything, and no one tells him to lose weight. Name someone who has it better.

I can’t recommend Diners, Drive Ins and Dives highly enough. It’s only a half-hour commitment, there’s a quick, drama-free transition from conception to plate, and chances are you’ve visited or at least heard of one of the local favorites Fieri visits each week. (For me: Swedish bistro Tre Kronor in Chicago, one of three joints featured in last night’s “Global Grub” episode.) Only downside: I’ve had to give up attempting to snack on “like foods” while watching DD&D — even if whatever I’m eating is slightly savory, it’s so clearly a billion times worse than that which is on-screen. But fruit wasn’t cutting it last night, even with the fun “continuous crackle” sound effect produced as one bites into watermelon chunks reallllllly slowwwwwwly.

If you have relatively low-impact snack ideas for use during Food Network shows, hit me up in the comments. It just needs to be something one can eat for 30-60 minutes straight without passing out or spontaneously combusting into a pile of sugar.