'Real Housewives of Atlanta': Somebody is going to hell
Bravo had NeNe working overtime last night. First they commissioned her Lisa’s Mom invited NeNe to go to Lisa’s Grandmother’s 92nd birthday in Los Angeles. Ed isn’t good TV had a meeting to go to, so NeNe will go as Lisa’s date instead. Then NeNe orchestrated an evening of an open bar culture at a King Tut exhibit and convinced Kim to join the group of ladies. Hey, everyone’s kids are going to be there. What could go wrong? If the women want to top the New Jersey escapades, I pictured an ancient pharaoh Sheree sandwich.
Before we got to the main event, there was some ridiculousness to plow through. We got a scene of Kim and the kids doing their homework at the table under the new nanny’s watchful eye. The notion of verbs stumped the girls. Is sightseeing a verb? It’s an action, you know. But maybe it’s an adjective? Kim declared the question a Catch-22. Her oldest daughter Briele wondered how the phrase “in a jiffy” solved the conundrum. I started rocking in place at home. Finally Briele rapped a Spanish prayer to an awkward chicken dance. The nanny snapped and said the girl was going straight to hell. Kim was pissed. So pissed that she didn’t fire the nanny. (Woman’s got to work get her weave trimmed and she needs childcare.) But then the nanny went on a tampon run, leaving the kids at home alone, and that was the final straw. Nanny gone.
Kandi starred in a photo shoot to promote her revitalized singing ambitions and also to celebrate family. Problem was her Mom sulked in the corner eating a buffalo wing, and refused to so much as look A.J. in the eye. Riley looked like a doll, and was hopefully oblivious to the tension. A.J., a man of woefully few words, gave up after saying hello. Kandi, who strikes me as all the more moving because she internalizes her pain and doesn’t play it up for the cameras, seemed always on the verge of tears. Oh dear, I’m thinking we most likely won’t see a wedding this season. But I do wish her the team player she deserves. Also—those were pretty peacock feather earrings!
Bravo wants a piece of Dwight in every episode this slow season. So off NeNe toddled to his salon to get a manicure from Ruben Studdard. Dwight appeared in a gold suit straight out of Duckie’s closet. NeNe wants to find him a man. So he oozed into some caramel leather pants that left nothing to the imagination and joined Sheree for a night of speed dating. It was painful! Dwight asked event planners about their shoe sizes. Sheree suffered through 25-year-olds with restraining orders and one interminable joke from a good egg named George. Outside Lisa and NeNe, who put the whole evening together, congratulated themselves on their husbands and how they would never subject themselves to something as humiliating as speed dating. Smug wenches!
At King Tut, NeNe got a little prickly when she saw Kim and Kandi bonding in the corner. I love me some NeNe but that woman has a small streak. The new friendship put her in a fussy mood, and she sneered afterwards to the cameras that Kim was a fair weather friend and Kandi was just a little bit too “geh-toe, a little bit hood” for their group. Kandi, being the only sane one in this group. treated NeNe’s baiting with cool equanimity. Sheree and Lisa, who’d been snickering in the corner about Kim’s singing, pushed Dwight into a wretched version of Summertime. Kandi belted out a few pretty notes. NeNe sniffed that the girl wasn’t all that. A.J. stood in a corner texting his baby mamas.
Next week while Lisa tearfully wonders if she’s ready to visit her older brother’s grave. Here’s an idea, do it between seasons! I don’t want to be insensitive to her pain but I’m not sure that having cameras present helps with the grieving process. Also, Shereee starts a rumor that Kim told everyone in Atlanta that Lisa is a crack whore.
p.s. Kim has a black puff of a dog named Chanel and a naked picture of her clutching her balloons hanging in the hallway. I had to rock myself to sleep.
What about you Housewivers? Is this season still struggling to find its rhythm? Is A.J. nothing but dull trouble? Does NeNe grate on your nerves when she shows her petty side? Do you want less of Kim’s breasts on TV?