Kim Zolciak's first single: Rest easy, Beyonce!

Ever since The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak bleated the first few aborted notes of her country career last season, I knew America was in for a treat. Now her very first (not at all country) single has dropped, and to my utter shock, it is not technically the worst thing I have ever heard!

var flashvars = {soundPath:”http://www.ew.com/ew/static/mp3/2009/08/tardyforthepartytagged.mp3″, autoplay:”no”};

var params = {};

var attributes = {};

swfobject.embedSWF(“http://www.ew.com/ew/static/mp3/singleplay/playerSingle.swf”, “singleflashPlayer”, “192”, “67”, “9.0.0”, “#FFFFFF”, flashvars);

It’s…not the best thing I’ve ever heard, but “Tardy for the Party” is more lame than it is unlistenable, unlike the “music” of Heidi Montag, say, or that terrifying, hilarious cover of “Such Great Heights.”

Lyrically, though, I’m puzzled. I think most of us associate the word “tardy” with school and propriety and all, and if you’re keeping track of what time people show up, well, that’s hardly a party attitude. I’m not much of a club person — no, it’s true! — but the line “I’ll be feeling good by nine / after my third glass of wine” sort of threw me: I don’t usually associate dancefloor antics and club-going with wine per se, but if The Real Housewives franchise has taught me anything, it’s that other people don’t always think the way I think, particularly when it comes to wine drinking. (And breast management.)

Are your ears bleeding, PopWatchers? Or is this going to be your end-of-summer jam?

Photo credit: Wilford Harewood/Bravo