It’s tough to find actors more beloved at PW HQ than Kristen Bell, Will Arnett, and Lee Pace. But good grief, this cliche factory I’ll generously identify as a movie trailer makes the baby Jesus cry:

In slightly over three minutes, I caught three of the 24 romcom tropes we’d retire: magic, working girl in need of balance (see: headset), and a clumsy heroine (watch out for the champagne glasses! and again, those other champagne glasses!). That has to be some kind of record. Also, dear screenwriters: Please find a more accurate nerd barometer than familiarity with Star Wars. Everyone — everyone — knows about Star Wars.

Despite these abominations, there are two bright points in this mishmash: First, against the odds, that’s actually a pretty funny line from Dax Shepard (“call a vet — these puppies are sick“), so it’s as if we’ve seen a unicorn. And second, I spotted Kate Micucci, one half of the hilarious musical comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates, so at least there’s that.

I want so badly for this just to be a crummy trailer for a secretly charming movie. Help me believe that, PopWatchers! I beg you!