The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 7, 2009

By Scott Brown
Updated August 07, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

1. Jack Nicholson is photographed smoking a cigarette while swimming in the South of France
In France, that’s called a biathlon.

2. Ryan O’Neal reveals that he hit on his daughter, Tatum, at Farrah Fawcett’s funeral — mistaking her for ”a strange Swedish woman”
This officially ends my letter-writing campaign demanding a sequel to Paper Moon.

3. Bradley Cooper denies hooking up with Jen Aniston in D.C.
Though he admits he lobbied pretty hard for it.

4. After success of Desperate Houseplants, Sesame Street to launch Mad Men parody
I’m not so sure I want to see Elmo drink, smoke, and have an extramarital affair with the letter S.

5. Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath says The Real Housewives of Orange County partially inspired new album
Hey, great art inspires great art.

6. The AP calls Lou Dobbs ”a publicity nightmare for CNN”
Why? Was he not born here or something?

7. Studio declines to screen G.I. Joe for critics
Like the slogan says: Knowing (when a movie sucks) is half the battle.

8. Katy Perry hides her face from cameras using a giant plush doughnut
It worked — she was mistaken for a Simpsons promo.

9. Responding to Eminem’s dis track, Nick Cannon tweets the Bible: ”I will bless those that bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse”
I had no idea God intervened in music-industry feuds the way He does in sporting events.

10. Steven Van Zandt — who played Silvio on The Sopranos — says his wounded, comatose character is still alive
Don’t stop believin’, Little Stevie.