By Chris Nashawaty
Updated December 20, 2019 at 11:02 AM EST
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Credit: Frank Masi

Pretty much exactly what you’d expect from the other Hasbro movie of the summer, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra makes Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen look like high art. The F/X are relentless, the acting is god-awful (et tu, Dennis Quaid?), the one-liners are corny, and it goes on forever. Worst of all, the rah-rah teen-targeted flick fetishizes shiny military weaponry to such a degree that it feels like a really expensive (and really irresponsible) recruitment ad. Don’t go expecting an escapist night at the movies; go expecting to be cudgeled into numb, drooling submission. D

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

  • Movie
  • Stephen Sommers