The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 7, 2009

By Scott Brown
Updated July 31, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown’s Hit List

1. Brad Pitt tells a German magazine that he and Angelina Jolie have a nine-foot-wide bed to accommodate their six children
With each new family member, they add a lane, but traffic is still terrible.

2. Jon Gosselin: ”I am single, per se” Per se is Latin for ”but don’t tell my girlfriend(s).”

3. Teri Hatcher says ”hazing” new Desperate Housewife Drea de Matteo involved covering her in powdered sugar Cripes, wasn’t being on Joey hazing enough?

4. In open letter, Candy Spelling says Tori uses her kids as ”reality show props”
That’s unfair, Candy. They’re more like scenery.

5. Budding memoirist Joel Madden says he wants ”every page to mean something”
”The copyright page, for example?” he continued. ”I want that to be a code that leads to treasure.”

6. Madonna’s naughty answering-machine messages up for auction (years after they were taped)
Finally, hard evidence that Madonna was, in fact, the third Jerky Boy.

7. LeAnn Rimes on the breakup of her marriage: ”Sometimes…you leave it in God’s hands”
”And when God is busy,” she added, ”Eddie Cibrian usually has a free hand.”

8. Plans afoot for a King Kong prequel — without Peter Jackson
Here’s an idea! Hire Michael Bay. In his Pre-Kong, the big guy will have two jive-talking dinosaur wingmen and a smokin’ lady ape played by Megan Fox.

9. It’s believed Sarah Palin was referring to Ashley Judd when she attacked ”delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets” who oppose hunting
That’s the best press Ashley Judd has received in years.

10. Justin Timberlake christens an eco-friendly golf course
But really: After a few Jägerbombs, haven’t we all ”christened” a few golf courses?