Once upon a time, a budding dancefloor philosopher named Madonna released her very first single, “Everybody,” and commanded her minions thusly: “Come on, take a chance/ Get up and start the dance/ Let the D.J. shake you/ Let the music take you.” Twenty-six years and over one billion crunches later, Ms. Ciccione is still pleading with the masses to shake their groove things with “Celebration,” the title track from her forthcoming greatest hits compilation that hit the Internet today.

“Celebration” is unapologetically dance-y, which means two things: I’m sitting here at my desk typing faster than usual and throwing in the occasional shoulder shimmy (fun!) while doing it. And secondly, the track is unlikely to make much headway at disco-phobic U.S. radio because apparently America does not like to get it percolatin’ in this dancerie. Ah well. No matter, Madge loyalists will be inevitably downloading this one and playing it on repeat in their cars, on the treadmill, even in their minds as they’re sleeping. And the usual haters will take one listen (or not) and declare that Madonna is, as Lexi Featherston so memorably labeled New York City in an episode of Sex and the City, “Over: O-V-E-R, over!”

After a half dozen or so spins, I’m probably more inclined to join the former group, although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed that lyrically, Madonna seems to be revisiting the “Party! Get on the floor!” theme for the umpteenth time without even the slightest bit of linguistic flair. I mean, I remember back in her Bedtime Stories/Ray of Light days when Madge strived to stimulate both the brain and the gluteus maximus. Now, she’s issuing “an invitation to the dance of life,” and it feels a little like she might just as well be doing it via Evite. When I IM’d my pal Kristen Baldwin with the question “Does Madonna really have nothing else to say?” she pithily replied, “At this point, probably not.” Which, I suppose, would strike me as slightly depressing — if all the swirling beats and synths weren’t causing a rush of endorphins to the head. What do you think of Madonna’s new single? Will this one be making its way to your iPod? And any chance it’ll be a radio hit? Holla back, young’ns!

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