July 17, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

· When it comes to True Blood, we’re on Team Bill and Team Eric. Don’t make us choose.
· Hayden Panettiere: Pretty
· Rachael Ray has to stop talking for a week. World takes fingers out of ears.
· Neil Patrick Harris to host Emmys. Write-in campaign begins for NPH to host Oscars, run for president, be etched into Mount Rushmore.
· Ryan Reynolds to play Green Lantern, giving us an excuse to show this photo again (cover shoot).

· Best DVD title of the month — Cagney & Lacey: The Menopause Years
· Mariah Carey has two costars in the video for her new single ”Obsessed.” They look like they’re D-cups, and each needs its own trailer.
· A Bachelorette suitor has most public case of performance anxiety in history.
· The joy and shame of rediscovering Hall & Oates’ ”You Make My Dreams” thanks to the dance sequence in (500) Days of Summer

· That creepy skating-babies viral video
· Orphan: We get it! We get it! There’s something wrong with Esther.
· Coincidentally, Florence Henderson and Whoopi Goldberg both talk about masturbation on national TV; did we inadvertently miss ”Make Friends With Your Genitals” week?
· Pretty weird (naturally, it’s Lady Gaga behind that S&M mask)
· The Hong Kong Phooey movie is greenlit. Huckleberry Hound is pissed.
· Jon Gosselin: Rhymes with mouchebag
· Jessica Simpson: Celebrities who use Twitter to lament their lousy love life
· The disturbing lack of eye candy among the new crop of Top Chef and Project Runway contestants
· Noted political pundit Levi Johnston opines on why former future mother-in-law Sarah Palin resigned as governor.

You May Like