When it comes to covers, there’s guilty-pleasure bad (Jessica Simpson turning the Nancy Sinatra classic “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'” into a Hooters-waitress synth-yodel), and misguided-funny bad (AC/DC, Celine Dion salutes you!).

And then there’s the kind of bad where dogs run howling from their summer porches, dolphins sink stunned to ocean floors, and even creatures who hear only the regular sonic spectrum — namely, Music Mix staffers — curl into fetal positions in dust-bunnied corner cubicles, sobbing quietly.

That’s what happens when L.A. screamo outfit Confide take “Such Great Heights,” the gentle indie-pop nouveau-classic from the Postal Service (a.k.a. Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie and Jimmy Tamborello of Dntel), and turn it into the musical hosebeast seen below; watch when it all goes so very, very wrong at about 0:40:

Who is this unholy offspring of Sepultura, Dashboard Confessional and the Cookie Monster, just back from a lip-ring field trip to Claire’s Boutique? Maybe it is all a hilarious inside joke? Maybe you can tell us there is far worse out there? But please, whisper your answer; it already hurts too much.

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