By Michael Slezak
Updated July 02, 2009 at 12:00 PM EDT

I do not care if it’s Aniston, Jen
Or a plastic doll whose name is Ken
Or that actress who plays Bridget Jones
Or if he’s dining all alone
He starred in Alias, so I don’t hate
But as for who’s sharing his dinner plate?
Check the box marked “TMI”
Or the one that’s labeled “Le frown, le sigh”
I do not care who dines with Bradley
But suspect I’ll keep on hearing, sadly

addCredit(“Zellweger: Chris Hatcher / PR Photos; Aniston: Bob Charlotte / PR Photos; Cooper: Robin Wong / PR Photos”)