By Ken Tucker
Updated June 30, 2009 at 06:22 PM EDT

With most of the other talk shows in reruns this week, it was left to The Colbert Report to do the hard-news celebrity reporting required of the past busy weekend. I speak, of course, about the rumored death of Jeff Goldblum:

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Well, thank heaven that’s settled. And so eloquent a self-eulogy as well. Characters welcome.