“She knows I’ve got a foot fetish, she knows I was born with a big #$%^&.” This is the best quote in Bachelor/Bachelorette history you’ve never heard. But it happened this week and I’ll explain below so keep reading. This quote is just one of a thousand things I have to talk to you about this week, so if you don’t mind I’m going to jump right into this episode. We left Whistler, Vancouver and boarded the Rocky Mountaineer train to head across the Rockies to Banff. Jillian and the guys didn’t actually sleep on the train. We stopped every night at a different location. I thought it was a cool idea to shoot an entire episode on and around a train trip. It’s something we’ve never done before and I thought it was pretty cool. The photogs that had to hold the cameras steady on a rocking train may have a different opinion but they did great as always and I thought it was very creative. Robby got the first one-on -one date. I’ll make this short and sweet: they just didn’t have it. Robby is young in age and experience. He and Jillian are in two completely different places in their lives right now so she decided to let him go. I do have to share one thing with you that cracked me up. Robby told us that “love doesn’t have a job.” I watched this episode, as I always do, with my wife, and she quickly jumped in and said “love most certainly does have a j-o-b.” Thought that was funny.
What you didn’t see on TV was at the end of the date the train went through the station it was supposed to stop at to let Robby off. The train had to back up and then pull into the station again. This was brutal for Jillian because she knew she was breaking up with Robby but had to wait another thirty minutes for the train to hit its mark so she could actually do it, and apparently it’s not like parking a Prius. By the way, I know it looked like we just dumped Robby in the middle of nowhere but that actually was a train station we stopped at.
So we were down to seven guys when Jillian went on the crazy group date, which was at beautiful Emerald Lake. This was a tough date for our crew, as well as Jillian. Two of our crew members got stuck in waist deep snow trying to shoot the snow shoeing. During Jillian’s one-on-one time with Jake he said Jillian reminds him of his mom…. A bit of advice to Jake and all men: Don’t tell a woman you may ever want to have intimate relations with someday that she reminds you of your mom…just don’t. This date was really the final straw for Tanner but bless his little foot-fetish heart for going down in flames. Watching Tanner on this date was like watching two trains colliding, but in slow motion. You saw it coming a mile away but could do nothing about it. It started with Tanner once again going crazy over Jillian’s feet. Then he decided to show everybody what he sleeps in. Now, I’m not positive but I really think this was a chance for him to show Jillian and the world how well endowed he is, and apparently from all accounts he is. Once again Jillian has to tell a dude to put “it” away. Then Tanner delivers one of my favorite, if not my only favorite, lines in Bachelor/Bachelorette history. The only problem is this is not HBO, it’s ABC. So you didn’t get to hear it. But this is what Tanner had to say after stripping down to his skimpy underwear: “She knows I’ve got a foot fetish, she knows I was born with a big #$%^&.” As if Tanner hadn’t provided enough memorable moments, he then comes clean to the guys that he was the one who told Jillian about the girlfriend situation. Oddly enough the only person this seemed to bother was Wes…Hmmm very interesting.
Wes then proceeds to tell us he’s already made it six episodes, he’s got his publicity, and now he can haul ass. There are many things wrong with this, but what I find most disturbing for some reason is that he actually knew what episode we were on in production. I’m not saying it takes a brain surgeon; all you have to do is count the rose ceremonies. But, when we’re in the middle of it all I don’t even know what episode we’re on. Nobody really thinks like that, except somebody who’s really into being on TV. Hmmm, very interesting. I know you guys are going to blow this blog up with comments about why we didn’t tell Jillian about the things Wes said, and maybe rightfully so. We have never told the Bachelor/Bachelorette what happens when they’re not around. There were five other guys in that room that could have made the choice to tell Jillian what happened, and they didn’t. That was their choice, and I think they regret it now. I talked to Jillian while I was writing this and she told me that every time Wes was around her he was a perfect gentleman and always said and did the right things. As you can see from this week’s preview, this situation is coming to a head. One other funny Wes story from the group date: Wes had a few too many at the cabin and decided he was leaving and was taking a cab back to Austin Texas. That would have been one hellacious tab. The next date was the one-on-one with Reid. He really is that neurotic but Jillian obviously finds it cute and endearing. I find it interesting to see the difference in conversations when Jillian clearly clicks with somebody like Reid as opposed to somebody like Jake or Tanner, where you can tell it just isn’t there.
One thing I want to clear up on this date is that Jillian lied about sculpting the ice furniture in the ice lounge. That was me, and I did it with a number two pencil and a paper clip. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.
The final train stop was in Banff springs, where I was waiting. I’m going to take a wild guess here but I’m pretty sure I’m the only human being who’s ever stood beside the tracks at that station in the freezing cold in a suit and tie. I really didn’t blend in very well. Before I get to the rose ceremony, I want to say thank you to my new friends at the Fairmont Banff Springs hotel. Part of what I love about this job is being on the road, meeting new people and seeing new places. Banff is stunning and I loved my time there. One thing I should tell you about the Banff Springs Hotel is that I’m like 68.5% sure it’s haunted. We heard many ghost stories and some people claim to have heard strange noises. On our final night many of the crew gathered at 3 A.M. to go on a ghost hunt. They didn’t find any ghosts but I’m pretty sure they pissed off a lot of people trying to sleep at 3 A.M., including the host that heard the crew outside his door laughing and screaming like a bunch of scared kids. At one point Jillian got so freaked out by all the ghost stories that she asked one of our (female) producers to sleep in her room with her. She sucked it up and slept alone. After deliberation — and after Jillian and I played chop sticks together on the grand piano in the rose ceremony ballroom (bet you didn’t know I had such mad skills) — she let Tanner and Jake go. Tanner and Jillian’s relationship revolved around her feet and the fact that he felt some of the other guys had girlfriends. It was never about them and that doesn’t work for Jill. I’m guessing some or maybe many of you were shocked that she sent Jake home. Jake is just a little too intense for Jillian. She never really relaxed around him and wasn’t herself. I think you can see the difference when she’s with somebody like Reid or Kiptyn.
If you watched the end of the episode, you saw a great preview of what’s to come this season. I will tell you this, next week things really get shaken up. It’s the best episode we’ve had by far and will leave us with plenty to talk about. I hope you enjoyed this blog. I rate it a 9-9 1/2…if you painted it mango-mango it would be a 10…. Tanner, I miss you already.
More Bachelorette from EW:
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