The 10 hottest topics for the week of May 22, 2009

By Scott Brown
Updated May 22, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown’s hit list

1. Recession dulls the luster of Cannes
Diddy’s annual yacht party will now be held on a Jet Ski equipped with extra cup holders.

2. Richard Branson takes over Mia Farrow’s two-week Darfur fast for three days
In return, she’ll take over three days of wild-eyed ballooning and grandstanding.

3. Leno does a show for jobless Ohioans
On a serious note, Leno offered this advice: ”If someone takes your job, just ask for it back, at 10 p.m.”

4. Watchmen Blu-ray will allow fans viewing the movie to chat about it simultaneously on Facebook
It’s a bold new experiment in multi-platform mediocrity.

5. Kim Kardashian on marrying Reggie Bush: ”We’re heading there. When we’re ready, we’ll know”
”And by ‘we,’ I mean Reggie, myself, and our producers, who’ll let us know when they need a season-ending cliff-hanger.”

6. At White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Ashton Kutcher tweets: ”I’m trying to figure out why anyone would let me sit this close to the president”
Human shield?

7. Cybill Shepherd says ”the ultimate glass ceiling is God”
No, Cybill, God just pays you less.

8. New Kids on the Block share stage with a masked hip-hop troupe
Hey, guys, if NKOTB aren’t ashamed at this point, you shouldn’t be either.

9. Husband wants Shirley Jones to pose for Playboy at 75, saying ”Mature women are relevant”
I guess I’ve always misunderstood the meaning of the word relevant. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to surf for some ”relevant” videos on the Internet.

10. Hills star Heidi Montag drops several rungs on Maxim‘s Hot 100 list
The good news is, husband Spencer Pratt has climbed up a few notches.