By Ken Tucker
Updated May 05, 2009 at 07:46 PM EDT

Even before Donald Trump parked his hair on the sofa of The View this morning, things were pretty hairy. Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar got into a row over whether creationism should be taught in schools alongside the theory of evolution. (Guess who’s pro-creationism? And so, for the record, is Sherri Shepherd.) When Behar said that refusing the teach evolution in some schools amounted to “child abuse,” Hasselbeck went semi-ballistic. Joy: “I stand by my statement.” Elizabeth retorted, “I stand on your statement!” Huh??

(Speaking of school, Elizabeth also seems to lack certain reading fundamentals. While giving a plug to her boss Barbara Walters’ book Audition, just out in paperback, Hasselbeck said, “I opened The New York Times and was pleased to see this mention of the book.” She held up the newspaper for us to see. Um, that was an advertisement, Elizabeth: The Times made no “mention” of the book — it ran a paid ad.)

Anyhoo, Donald showed up with his bodyguard, Ivanka, and everybody made nice — too nice. After endless pleasant chatter, Trump was finally asked about the reason anyone wants to see him on a talk show: the Celebrity Apprentice explosion with Melissa Rivers’ firing.

“She thinks she’s Joan, and she’s not,” said Trump simply. That is, Melissa doesn’t have the talent her mom does. No revelation there. Then there was more polite chatter.

This had been promoted as Donald’s big return to The View after a three-year absence, with fireworks implied. Frankly, the opening Hot Topics were more sparky.

Did you watch? What do you think?