By Michael Ausiello
April 29, 2009 at 08:27 PM EDT
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It may not be a game-changer along the lines of last year’s five-year time jump, but this should still get the kids talking: Desperate Housewives will conclude its season on May 17 with a surprise wedding, sources confirm to me exclusively. The nuptials are so top secret that even members of the show’s cast and crew don’t know who’s walking down the aisle. “People are being told on a need-to-know basis,” whispers a Housewives insider. “Marc [Cherry] doesn’t want a repeat of last year when the flash-forward thing leaked.” His hard-line approach seems to be working: I don’t have the foggiest idea who’s getting hitched. I do, however, have a few theories…

Susan and Jackson
Why Them? Gale Harold’s Jackson returns from Siberia this Sunday and promptly pops the question to Susan. Yes, that question.
Why Not Them? Too obvious, for one. Also, can you think of a less exciting way to end the season than with a Susan-Jackson wedding? Cherry’s got to be thinking bigger. Like…

Susan and Mike
Why Them? Considering they’re both otherwise engaged (quite literally, perhaps), no one would see it coming. And it’s going to happen eventually, so why not now? Well, because…
Why Not Them? … Cherry wants to wait. “This is the traditional problem in doing soap operas is that happily married couples are the death of drama,” he told fans earlier this month at PaleyFest ’09. “Right now it’s interesting exploring a relationship between these two divorced characters and their child. But if [ABC] makes deals with all of us, it looks like we’ll get a few more years to play this out and I would imagine at some point in the continuum Susan and Mike will find their way back together.”

Mike and Katherine
Why Them? Dana Delany recently hinted to us that there may be “wedding bells on the horizon” for the pair. Plus, what better way to prolong the inevitable Mike-Susan reunion than by marrying him off to another woman?
Why Not Them? The all-too-obvious factor comes into play here as well. As we saw in the promo for this Sunday’s episode, MJ conveniently broaches the subject of a Mike-Katherine wedding in front of his dad.

Bob and Lee
Why Them? With the debate over gay marriage hotter than ever (thanks Miss California!), it would certainly be timely.
Why Not Them? Apparently, they’re already married (see comments section)! Who knew?!

Carlos and Lynette
Why Them? He saw her naked — and he liked it! More importantly, this would definitely qualify as a surprise.
Why Not Them? Two couples would have to get divorced first, and it’s my understanding that the finale is only two hours long. Also, it’s one thing to get people talking over the summer, but it’s quite another if the words they’re saying are “jump the shark.”

Bree and Karl
Why Them? This Sunday, Bree hires Karl to represent her in her divorce from Orson. Will one thing lead to another? (Hint: Yep!) Marrying these two off would surely stir up a little conflict between Bree and Susan. 
Why Not Them? Jumping into another marriage so soon after Orson would be out of character for Bree. And would she really do that to Susan?

Dave and Mrs. McCluskey
Why Them? Because I’m in a silly mood today and the thought of these two canoodling in bed together makes me giggle.
Why Not Them? Not everyone shares my unique sense of humor. There’s also the fact that he’s a psycho killer.

Who do you think the bride and groom will be? Cast your votes in the comments section below!

Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane
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