By Marc Bernardin
Updated April 28, 2009 at 08:29 PM EDT

It’s hard out there for a short, Canadian, nigh-invulnerable mutant superhero. First, pirates leak your movie all over the Internets, letting geeks of all stripes take a gander without your special-effects bloomers on. Then the swine flu forces your studio to cancel your Mexico City premiere, dramatically reducing…well, probably not much at all. Why is all this crap happening to X-Men Origins: Wolverine?

Because Wolverine can take it. Because he’s got bones of crazy-hard metal and the heart of a genetically modified lion. Because he’s the best at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice. Because he’s got a hairdo that only he can pull off. Because, even though he’s only five-foot-nothing in the comics, he’s played by the 6′ 2″ Hugh Jackman on the big screen. Because swine flu is something he puts on toast. Because he calls people “bub.”

Don’t you worry about Wolverine. Unless he shows up at your door…flanked by pirates carrying swine flu bagels.

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