By Annie Barrett
Updated April 27, 2009 at 08:57 PM EDT

Warner Bros. has won a bidding war to produce Odysseus, a “300 meets Taken” adaptation of Homer’s The Odyssey. The film will follow legendary hero Odysseus after he returns home to Ithaca, where he must fight off all of his wife’s potential suitors so he can reclaim his kingdom and spend the rest of his days with Penelope, weaving beautiful tapestries of lotuses and ambrosia. To be honest, I’d rather see a new film based on the island-hopping part of Odysseus’ adventures, but lo! There already was an epic (heh) made-for-TV adaptation of lost-at-sea Odysseus, starring Armand Assante, Isabella Rossellini, Bernadette Peters, Eric Roberts, and Vanessa “L. Yeah” Williams, back in 1997. I ask you: Does it get any better than L. Yeah as Calypso? Is this a rhetorical question? Press play below to hear whatever the hell she and Odysseus (Assante) are saying get drowned out by a needlessly powerful CSI Lab Scene beat.

Side note: I remember watching this in high school English — when Wilhelmina Slater came on-screen, I led a gaggle of about 7-10 other bored geese through a rousing rendition of “Save the Best for Last.” Our teacher could not have cared less; plus, there were about three days left of school, so “Sometimes the snow comes down in June” could have applied. He didn’t know if it was snowing or not. (No windows!) Ah, education.

Any excuse to embed L. Yeah, right? P-Dubs, will you watch a “300 meets Taken” adaptation of The Odyssey?