The 10 hottest topics for the week of April 13, 2009

By Scott Brown
April 17, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown’s hit list

1. Joel Madden compares photo of young Nicole Richie to ”Ron Perlman circa Beauty and the Beast ”But with stick-to-itiveness and dedication,” he continues, ”she’s worked her way up to Ron Perlman circa Hellboy.”

2. Irritated by smoke, Britney stops concert and later tells Vancouver crowd: ”Don’t smoke weed” Everyone’s calling her a buzzkill, but Vancouver once crashed on my couch for two whole months. So I get it, Brit.

3. Michael Sheen, known for portraying a werewolf in Underworld, will play a vampire in the Twilight sequel New Moon The werewolf community is already calling him a sellout, but God knows there’s no pleasing those people.

4. Lindsay Lohan now reportedly calling herself ”Eleanor” Hey, ”Eleanor” is an improvement on last week, when she was all ”There is no Lindsay, only Zuul.”

5. Glenn Beck announces upcoming comedy tour Ah! That explains everything.

6. The Pet Shop Boys decline PETA Europe’s request to rename themselves ”the Rescue Shelter Boys” Defeated, PETA now returns to its core mission: renaming Meat Loaf ”Boca Cutlet.”

7. Penélope Cruz can’t wait to grow older Well, Penny, just sit tight.

8. Scarlett Johansson says she’s getting into ”superhero shape” for the upcoming Iron Man 2 So am I! After nightfall, I transform into ”The Fat Trapezoid.”

9. On her website, Candy Spelling reaches out to daughter Tori: ”I don’t want a reunion via talk show or to speak through the press” ”I want to hold you in my arms and tweet to you, like I did when you were a child.”

10. Rick Springfield releases an album of lullabies But, the Grammy award winner grumbles, ”most babies still only ask for ‘Jessie’s Girl,’ goddamn it.”