In terms of glitzy kudo-fests, Bravo’s A-List Awards is pretty low-rent — but I suppose you can’t fault it when, as last night’s host of the show comedienne and My Life on the D-List star Kathy Griffin (pictured) explained, it’s “the anti awards-show awards show.” Wait, I thought that was supposed to be the VMAs? Is Bravo the new MTV? Wait again — that’s another blog post for another time. Moving on…
The ridiculousness of the whole show can be explained by three things: a dancing drag queen (that’d be the divine Lady Bunny), multiple appearances by the Kardashian sisters, and the fact that Kathy Griffin’s vagina was supposedly “rejuvenated” on stage. (I’m not going to go into that here.) This show is not about the awards, honestly. It’s about the personalities — most specifically, Kathy Griffin. Let’s talk about those with a run-down of the show’s five best (and simultaneously worst) moments:
1. Kathy’s mom Maggie Griffin takes on “Little Miss A-Lister” role. If you watch D-List, you know the loveable/usually drunk Maggie Griffin well. She’s always hanging out at Kathy’s house and is usually sipping on boxed wine. Kathy uses her antics liberally in her comedy act. Anyway, Kathy brought Maggie out as the Rumer Willis (a.k.a. Miss Golden Globe) to the A-List Awards. It was the cutest thing: Maggie wheeled the awards out in a basket attached to her pink walker (she was also wearing a pink mumu). Sadly, she was fired after taking too long to bring Neil Patrick Harris (“Tick-tock, lady!” he told her) his award for A-List TV Actor. At least we know she was enjoying herself more after that next to a box of wine back in the green room.
2. Kathy Griffin jokingly announcing she’s a lesbian — and then kissing former Danity Kane leader Aubrey O’Day. Ew, no. Even for a joke, we can’t endorse that. Hope you don’t have the clap now, Kathy!
3. The Real Housewives fashion show. Thirteen of the stars from Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise modeled fashions they bought at Fred Segal on a budget of $4,000 each (it’s tough times, people!). You can view them all and vote for your favorite here. They all deserve credit for getting their specifically tragic styles right on point. Thanks to “celebrity fashion expert” Paris Hilton, who provided some illuminating commentary that boiled down to her calling all of them “sexy bitches.”
4. Tori Spelling’s out-of-control speech for winning A-List Celebrity Autobiography for sTORI Telling.Here’s the full transcript: “Wow! So, I know what most of youhere tonight are thinking: Tori Spelling can write? I didn’t even knowshe could read! I can a little bit. Um, it took me a really long timeto be able to write this book, to be comfortable with myself and itwasn’t ’til I was at the point in my life where I was able to do whatmost people have been doing for years — laugh at me — that I was ableto do it. And once I got to that point, it was easy sailing. But, Iknow most people always thank people for believing in them — Iactually want to thank people that didn’t believe in me. I always saidif I ever won something — and I figured I’ll never win anything — Iwould always be like, ‘FU! Here’s to the haters! Thanks!’ But yeah, soI’d like to thank Chelsea Handler for remarkably… First off, I wannasay she’s rad. For remarkably thinking of new and funny ways to say I’mugly and stupid week after week and I was psyched to say that if I wontonight that I know that she’s here. Now, I’m just plain worried toleave because I don’t know if she’s gonna hold me down and beat me up– or try to feed me a sandwich. But either way, that’s cool. I justwanna thank all those amazing Internet bloggers out there that hate meday-to-day. I love you! You rock! Um, thank you for calling me a horseface, ummm, neck of a tortoise, bug-eyed, frog-eyed, hair that lookslike straw, and just plain fugly. You’re amazing! I just wanna thankthe people who did believe in me — my awesome husband Dean! And thankyou to the fans who voted on Bravo. And thank you to all my friends andall my gays out there! Yes, Kathy, some of your gays actually moonlighton the side as mine! So… thank you, I love you all!”
5. Chelsea Handler’s quick — and much more biting — response to Spelling’s ridiculous speech while onstage accepting the award for A-List Funny: “I’m a little full because I just ate Tori Spelling.” Genius.
And here’s the full list of A-List Award winners that were announced on last night’s show:
Actor: Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Fashion Designer: Marchesa (with Rachel Zoe accepting)
Reality TV’s Guiltiest Pleasure: NeNe Leakes, The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Style Male: Justin Timberlake
Sexiest TV Moment: Tina & Bette on The L Word (which genius presenter Paris Hilton announced as “The L World”)
Chef: Todd English, Beso and Olives
Restaurant: Cochon, New Orleans
Innovation: new MacBook
Style Female: Gwen Stefani
Celebrity Designer: Gwen Stefani
Celebrity Autobiography: sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling
TV Show: The Office
Funny: Chelsea Handler
Actress: Tina Fey
Magazine Cover: New York Magazine‘s Eliot Spitzer cover
Celebrity Restaurateur: Sandra Bullock, Bess Bistro
Note: A number of awards — for Breakout, Artist of the Year, Album, Download, Kate, Abs, and Hotel — were not presented during the telecast and, thus far, haven’t been posted to BravoTV.com, as far as I can find.
Did you watch, PopWatchers? What was your favorite moment?