By Mandi Bierly
Updated April 16, 2009 at 06:45 PM EDT
Credit: Fox

So much to talk about, where do we begin… How many of you had to put down your pasta while watching this episode? Definitely one of the bloodiest we’ve seen. The case was a dead Bridezilla, who’d been run over by an SUV — twice. I’m always a fan of the Angelator, but that recreation of the smushed head — ewwwwwwww. Was it her fiancé or her maid of honor (guest star Mayim Bialik!?, pictured) behind the wheel? No. And I’m sorta disappointed that we didn’t get to see Booth seriously interrogate the latter. I miss that Blossom sass. Was it her ex-fiancé, who was named Joe Fillion (a shoutout to David Boreanaz’s buddy Nathan, who he thinks is doing a hit-and-run on Bones with ABC’s Castle)? No. He just happened to hit a dog the week before, which is why they found a black hair in his tire. (That, and because a guy who broke down talking about the incident wouldn’t have thoroughly washed the memory of it away?) Or was it Owen Smith, the last guy the cheating bride met using a dating service that sends a picture of any potential match within 100 yards to your cell phone and allows you to choose “Date or Hate,” and if both parties select “Date,” then sends you the other person’s cell number? Sorta. She said “Date” to a composite photograph the creator of the service forged because he’s tired of these women who say they want a “funny, smart, successful guy” not giving him the time of day. (Note: They did not say “honest.”) He drove up to meet her in the alley of the Champagne Lounge, and when she flipped him the bird, he snapped and ran her down.

For a minute, I thought the message of the episode was that any kind of dating service — online or on cell — was bad. But really, it was that when Brennan behaves like such a dick that you start to dislike her, it’s because she’s insecure and jealous of someone. At a bridal shop where the Bridezilla got into a shoving/slapping match with a consultant, Brennan and Booth saw Sweets’ girlfriend Daisy trying on a gown and hugging a man that was not her “Lancelot.” Brennan, naturally, wanted to tell Sweets. Booth didn’t. Okay, I know that some groom’s do actually go dress shopping with their fiancées (which is just wrong) because I watch TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. But I think the norm is still for most couples to be afraid of the bad luck that results — or simply to want that great moment when the groom sees the bride for the first time at the far end of the aisle and smiles so big that there’s no doubt the couple will make it. Why were B&B so sure that was Daisy’s fiancé with her and that she was getting some on the side with Sweets?

As for whether they should tell Sweets, I’d love to hear what you think. In my life, I tend to operate under this rule: If you care enough about the person to stick around and help pick up the pieces, then you should deliver the blow. If you don’t, then you should tell someone who does and let them deal with it. Booth did not want Sweets to come into his office mopey and in need of manly-man advice, so he wasn’t going to spill. Brennan, being all about the truth and thinking that Sweets, as a therapist, should be able to handle the emotions on his own, eventually did. I was all for her doing it — until she did it with that air of gloating: “Obviously you can’t read all the psychological subtleties that you think you can.” Brennan shouldn’t have told Sweets, because her motive wasn’t so he could make an informed choice about his relationship with Daisy — it was so she could prove her theories that love is a chemical process that causes delusion, monogamy is an unrealistic concept for man, and marriage is an innately bad idea because no one can know how she or he will feel years from now.

Brennan and I, however, made up because her emotional cruelty resulted in one of my favorite scenes on Bones this season: Sweets coming into Booth’s office mopey and in need of manly-man advice. When he started with “Well, I’ll get right to it,” I actually thought he’d paid Booth a visit because he was mad at him for not telling him. But he was just putting on a brave face and pretending that he appreciated Brennan’s honesty. “No, you don’t. Come on,” Booth said. “I don’t. I don’t,” Sweets said, launching into the conversation Booth had been dreading. God, I love it when John Francis Daley acts flustered and depressed. Booth turning into his therapist, so clearly enjoying sitting in the chair with his hands clasped, instead of on the couch (or leather armchair, in this case) — classic. In the end, Sweets’ sanity prevailed, and he confronted Daisy, who told him that her cousin was out of town during the one-day-only, 50-percent-off sale at the bridal store, so she went dress shopping for her with the cousin’s fiancé. No way in hell does a bride let someone else choose her wedding gown, even for 50 percent off, and send her fiancé. But whatever. Sweets and Daisy had make-up sex in his office, so all is well in the world.

Back to Brennan’s insecurities… She showed up at Booth’s door for ourregular episode-ending tête-à-tête because when her belief system is shaken, she turns to him. Because, I guess, he’s actually more optimisticabout her growth potential than Angela, who usually just gives her an”Oh, sweetie” shrug. It turns out Dr. Burn in Hell (the nickname Boothgave Brennan when she didn’t see the image of the Virgin Mary in the driedblood on the cardboard the victim had been pressed between) isjealous of everyone’s faith in love. She wants to be the kind of personwho wants to lose herself in someone else, who believes love is”transcendent and eternal.” Shockingly, she hadn’t yet downed anyScotch from Booth’s bottle when she delivered that line. I thought Booth was gonna put his arm around her there on his couch — you know, in one of those”partner hugs” — but he just assured her that she would be, someday. [Insert swooning over the soft Booth voice reserved just for her.]

So, you know it’s question time. Do you think Booth and Brennanshould have told Sweets about seeing Daisy with another man? (I thinkthat’s how Miss Fact Happy should’ve stated it, since that’s all shetechnically knew.) Do you think they’re making Booth look pale toforeshadow his upcoming health crisis, or is that just me imaginingthings? Who else totally knew that Angela had joined the dating serviceand would pop up on Hodgins’ cell phone right as he was about to go havedrinks with intern Wendell and his magical group of hot female friends?(Though, I expected them to each hit “date” and reunite on a corner, which they did not. I just realizedthat Angela didn’t mention her celibacy vow once this episode. Thankyou, writers!) And what exactly IS Angela’s job description? We knowit doesn’t include scraping a woman’s remains off cardboard as if shewere a pizza being removed from an oven — can I get one final ewwwwwwww?I guess it involves anything with facial reconstructions, reenactments,computers, bedazzled cell phone repairs, and lemon juice-infused arts andcrafts?

Talk among yourselves. I’ll see you back here tomorrow a.m. to dissect the second part of this week’s “two-night Bones event.”