The 10 hottest topics for the week of March 23, 2009

By Scott Brown
Updated March 27, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown’s hit list

1. Madonna’s nanny quits ”You’re all grown up now, Madonna,” said the nanny, opening her umbrella as she quickly rose into the sky.

2. Before Bruce Willis’ wedding, Ashton Kutcher tweets a picture of Demi steaming his suit in her underwear Wow. It’s only March, and they’ve already got their Christmas card.

3. The Da Vinci Code sequel may face a boycott from the Vatican It’ll come down to whether they cut Pope Benedict’s big waterskiing scene.

4. Project Runway finalist arrested for throwing cat at boyfriend And once again, she was penalized for trying something new!

5. The Supreme Court considers whether Hillary: The Movie is a documentary or a political speech Scalia loved the scene where Hillary destroys Tokyo, but swing vote Anthony Kennedy found her third-act face-off with Mothra ”unrealistic.”

6. Samantha Ronson’s rate for her DJ services has reportedly more than doubled I guess this means the stimulus is working. I mean, I can’t think of another reason why this is happening.

7. Duplicity opens big in Canada Not coincidentally, sources tell EW that Julia Roberts has suddenly developed a ferocious taste for poutine and socialized medicine.

8. Sources say Megan Fox might be done for good with Brian Austin Green Just 15 years after the rest of us!

9. Billy Corgan is now the only original member of the Smashing Pumpkins left Well…to be fair, Billy has always seen the Pumpkins as a Highlander-type scenario.

10. Twilight fans turn out in force for midnight release of the DVD Ahem. Some of us real fans were in Beijing for the first pirated download seven months ago. So suck it.