March 20, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

”I think, clinically speaking, you might be a sociopath.”
—Barb (JeanneTripplehorn), to Nicki, on Big Love

”When your son is charged with embezzling from the family business, it does make you pause and rethink your parenting strategy.”
—Nora (Sally Field) on Brothers & Sisters

”It’s fine being artistic, just not on this show.”
—Simon Cowell, after Scott MacIntyre said he wanted to experiment with a more obscure Michael Jackson song, on American Idol

”The solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding in a restaurant. It’s free, it’s beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it.”
—Kent Brockman on The Simpsons

”When Michael’s skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is: ‘Stopping a fight in the parking lot.’ ‘An Obama fashion show’…whatever that is. Or ‘Trapped in an oil painting.’ I’m gonna save that one.”
—Pam (Jenna Fischer) on The Office

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