The 10 hottest topics for the week of March 9, 2009

March 13, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

Scott Brown’s hit list

1. Brad Pitt meets with Nancy Pelosi He will request funding to research backward-aging, handsomeness, and what can be done to prevent Sean Penn from winning another Oscar.

2. Barbara Walters: ”I can never be mad at Rosie” ”As long as she stays 300 miles away, in a sealed concrete bunker, per the restraining order.”

3. Woman falls into Jeff Probst’s arms after having seizure A chastened Probst then vowed that he would no longer use ”strobe torches.”

4. Pam Anderson’s left breast pops out at French fashion show It has achieved self-awareness. We can fear this moment or embrace it.

5. Some confusion over the asking price for Sting’s Manhattan apartment It really depends on what you’re willing to pay for a lute-shaped breakfast nook.

6. Zac Efron says his mom put condoms in his Christmas stocking Question her judgment, but you must agree: It makes a lot more sense than wrapping each one.

7. Dita Von Teese saddened that French presidents are no longer allowed to attend all-nude cabarets She spent a year married to Marilyn Manson, and this is what saddens her?

8. Marianne Faithfull calls Kate Moss ”vampirical” Nonsense! Vampires are better nourished!

9. Massive Jacko auction includes ”original works of art by Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin” They come with the refrigerator they were stuck on, increasing their value by 10,000 percent.

10. Paris Hilton has another huge birthday party a month after her birthday The first one was her actual birthday. This is Canadian Paris Hilton’s Birthday (Observed).

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