January 23, 2009 at 05:00 AM EST

Gordon Ramsay loves to berate his Hell’s Kitchen contestants, and he’s in medium-rare form on season 5’s premiere (Fox, Jan. 29, 9 p.m.). Can you tell which four zingers are his, and which we cooked up?

1. ”That looks like medical waste. And tastes worse.”

2. ”The dish is clumsy…just like you!”

3. ”I just threw up in my mouth, and it tasted better than that soufflé.”

4. ”I feel like I need some plastic wrap on my ass.”

5. ”This makes me want to sew my mouth shut. Hideous!”

6. ”You serve, they eat — straight after they vomit.”

7. ”Who’s cooked the diapers?”

8. ”Have you ever tasted your own cooking? Take my advice: Don’t.”

REAL QUOTES: 2, 4, 6, 7

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