By Tanner Stransky
Updated January 09, 2009 at 12:00 PM EST

Last night’s Ugly Betty was rather heavy, what with Ignacio being struck down with a heart attack and all. Which, by the way, was so completely tragic. Did anyone else squeeze out a tear or two during that final scene with the hospital and Willy and Daniel kissing their new loves and that sad, sad song playing? Anyway, all the drama made for an hour that wasn’t exactly exploding with the delicious quips that we dedicated Betty fans so dearly love. But I managed to come up with several that I thought were pretty good — Wilhelmina and Marc, of course, lead the way, with their genius bites on everything from friendship to, um, Hamm sandwiches. (If you watched, you know to what I refer.) My four favorites get video and poll treatment below (so please vote for your favorite!), and the rest of them are typed up after the jump.

“If we do, one of you dies.” —Wilhelmina, threatening her the lives of her staff members if they lose another month to rival Elle

“Can I help it if my balls are bigger than his?” —Wilhelmina, after Connor says he likes the “good cop, bad cop” thing going on between her and Daniel

“I’m Marc St. James. I work for Wilhelmina Slater. I once had a threesome with Jon Hamm and Mia Hamm. I called it the night of the Hamm sandwich.” —Marc, giving a rather memorable anecdote while networking

“Do you know why Heidi Klum never wears open-toed shoes? Twelve little piggies.” —Marc, with another memorable bit while networking

“You’re a mean, not-so-lean, contact-gettin’ machine. You’re the Terminator. You’re the Bettynator!” —Marc, trying to encourage Betty to get out there and network

“Oh, I tell you Hilda, this is a great set-up you’ve got going here. You know, you can shop, you can get your hair cut. Throw in a food court, I would never leave.” —A very pregnant Christina, upon entering Hilda’s new hair salon and boutique

“Oh, friendship is the oldest trick in the book!” —Wilhelmina, after Betty says she thought the rival who stole Mode’s secrets was her friend

“Oh well I love looking down at the little people going about their little lives.” —Wilhelmina, looking out from the window of her apartment

“Oh my God, they still do the ‘Ugly Wall’! This was totally my idea. Everyday we would put up pictures of coworkers we hated and then make fun of them. Aww, good times.” —Marc, reminiscing about the “Ugly Wall” he started when he interned at Elle

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Ugly Betty

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