January 09, 2009 at 12:00 PM EST

I’m not sure if it was the vintage, plastic, two-toned frames that were so adorable or the fact that Brad Pitt was wearing said frames, but about five-and-a-half hours into The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, when Brad Pitt shuffles up to Cate Blanchett back in New Orleans for his “look how hot I got” moment, I could NOT STOP OBSESSING over these glasses. I mostly just loved the way they looked — but as I became more and more mesmerized, my mind wandered into dangerously banal territory. Did Benjamin Button pick these frames out himself? Such a devastatingly fabulous choice would certainly indicate a heightened level of mental maturity, finally. Did Benjamin Button shuffle around nervously at the glasses store and explain to a sweet old lady how he was really 20 but appeared to be 40, and wouldn’t mind looking like he should waltz onto the set of Mad Men as Sterling Cooper’s new art director, you know, if he felt like it? This crap was all I could think about. And then: Would the glasses look good on me? Do I need new frames? Would certain people think I’d look better in similar frames? Maybe new frames could change my whole perspective, man.

It ate up at least 10 minutes of the movie, these “thoughts.” I had no clue what was going on. So the question is: Are Benjamin Button’s glasses really that mesmerizing, or was my attention deficit the movie’s own damn fault?

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