By Annie Barrett
Updated January 06, 2009 at 06:00 PM EST
Credit: Mitchell Haaseth/NBC

Which of your New Year’s resolutions will win out tonight — Lose Some Damn Weight or Stop Watching So Much Damn Reality TV?

Tonight’s premiere of The Biggest Loser: Couples proudly boasts the oldest couple ever, the youngest man ever, and the biggest woman ever. (It’s probably not “ever,” but I prefer to be as sensationalistic as possible when discussing a show that routinely spends nearly half a minute on various zoom-ins of every single challenge. PIZZA. FRIED CHICKEN. DUNK TANK FULL OF POPCORN BUTTER. Cue threatening Lost-esque sound effects!) Not to mention the biggest player ever. That’d be Daniel (pictured, right), who’s paired with his bromeister David on the rather unfortunately hued Orange Team. Aw, they’re wincing already. They have no idea what’s ahead of them — namely, the terrorizing grill of trainer Jillian Michaels warning them that the only way they’ll get off that treadmill is if they die on it.

Will you tune in tonight? Or are you still full from the huge sixth-season helping of Loser that ended less than three weeks ago? You know I’ll be there. I love me a good fitness-weary meltdowns. (And a delicious heap of melts.)

addCredit(“Mitchell Haaseth/NBC”)