By Michael Slezak
Updated December 17, 2008 at 10:48 PM EST

MTV, a cable channel formerly known for showing what old people fondly remember as video installations set to their favorite hit songs, announced a lineup of eight new series it plans to launch in 2009. I will attempt to describe each program in seven words or less, since I hear that today’s youth have shorter attention spans and sometimes even forgo the use of certain vowels and consonants 4 shrtr and EZr convos.

Daddy’s Girls: Spawn of Reverend Run work, play
Nitro Circus: Jackass meets “freecross motorcycle riding”
How’s Your News?: South Park’s Timmy meets Colbert Report
The CollegeHumor Show: employees mug for cameras
Girls of Hedsor Hall: VH1’s Charm School only younger, in England
College Life: Relive being 18, minus “freshman 15”
Rob Drydek’s Fantasy Factory: What? This is not self-explanatory?
Untitled Nick Lachey project: Former Jessica Simpson appendage follows Ohio theater geeks

Admit it…you are suddenly elated/nauseous. The only cure is to take our handy and curative polls, one below and one after the jump.

addCredit(“Stephen Shugerman/Getty Images”)

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