The 10 hottest topics for the week of October 27, 2008

By Scott Brown
October 31, 2008 at 04:00 AM EDT

1. Mary-Kate Olsen and Mel Brooks ”immediately clicked” at racetrack, says onlooker
Looks like somebody’s angling for a part in Brooks’ ?long-planned Spaceballs prequels!

2. Bono snapped cavorting in south of France with two teenage girls
Oh, come on: He was just calling attention to the plight of malnourished, vacationing hot chicks.

3. Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she has ”a hard time not being sassy”
”I have been treated with powerful medications,” she continued. ? ”My sass is chronic and metastatic.”

4. Denis Leary defends his right to use gay slur in reference to Matt Dillon
Looks like Leary took away a very different message from You, Me and Dupree.

5. David Beckham says he’ll ”never be a movie star”
If nominated, ? he will not run. If cast, he will not act. At least, not very well.

6. Christina Aguilera travels through time in new video
She faces ? a terrible choice: Kill Pol Pot in 1972 or talk herself out of her ? ”Dirrty”-era wardrobe in 2002.

7. Katy Perry dresses as fried egg for Halloween-themed concert
She then kissed another egg and the audience swooned.

8. Romanian village still mad about being exploited in Borat ?
”We grow good people in our Romanian small towns!” cried their leader, the fetching Sonya Palinu.

9. U.K. iTunes accidentally censors J****y Cash
Actually, the artist in question is Jersey Cash, the so-called ”Man in Pleather.”

10. Online divorcée kills virtual husband
She was caught by Virtual Columbo, a giant, often underestimated purple beaver in a rumpled trench coat.