Exclusive: Guest Blogger Aziz Ansari shares his intimate IM with Kanye West
EDITOR’S NOTE: Comedian, giant human, and soon-to-be Office spinoff star Aziz Ansari recently announced that he’ll be setting out this fall on his Glow in the Dark standup tour, beginning October 25th in Saratoga Springs, NY. (Full tour info can be found here.) We enjoy Aziz, but we found the tour’s name eerily familiar. Care to explain, sir?
I recently decided to plan a standup tour and asked my friend Kanye West to help come up with a name for it over IM. This is what transpired:
- Aziz: Hey Kanye, what’s up?
- Kanye: What’s up Aziz? I’m just updating my blog.
- Aziz: I wanted to talk to you about something, I need a name for my standup tour. Got any ideas?
- Kanye: OH SH*TTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THESE NEW BATHROOM FIXTURES???!!
- Aziz: Yeah, man, that’s great. Look, you have any ideas for a name for my tour?
- Kanye: DOPPPPPENESSS!
- Aziz: Huh? Is that the name?
- Kanye: NO, HAVE YOU SEEN THESE NEW PEACOATS??!
- Kanye: OMFG! I’M GONNA HAVE TO COP THIS!!!!
- Aziz: That’s great man, anyway, I wanted to talk to you about my tour
- Kanye: OH. SNAP.
- Kanye: AZIZ CHECK OUT THIS NEW DINNERWARE COLLECTION. THIS IS THE HOTNESS
- Aziz: DAMNIT! QUIT SENDING ME THIS DUMB S***.
- Kanye: DUMB S***?!! DID YOU SEE THE ENGRAVING ON THAT CEREAL BOWL????????!
- Kanye: DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
- Aziz: I’m trying to get your advice! You just keep sending me random s*** that you post on your blog!!!
- Kanye: I’M SO MAD I’M ABOUT TO STOMP THROUGH THE SOLES OF MY AIR YEEEZIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Aziz: WHATEVERRRRRRR!!! I’M CALLING MY TOUR THE GLOW IN THE DARK TOUR. F*** YOU.
- Kanye: WHATEVER, IN THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO WRITE THAT SENTENCE, I MADE 4 DOPE BEATS AND POSTED A PICTURE OF A FUTURISTIC TREEHOUSE ON MY BLOG, SO HATE ALL YOU WANT. PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!
- Kanye: AND STOP SENDING ME THAT VAMPIRE S*** ON FACEBOOK, I DON’T GET IT.
- Kanye has signed off.