Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

”I think he watched tapes of how Johnny Carson used to deal with Charo.”
—Garry Shandling, theorizing about Joe Biden’s debate preparation, on Real Time With Bill Maher

”Okay, let’s say ‘hi’ to the elephant in the room. ‘Hola, Awkwardo.’ I think he’s Spanish.”
—Melanie (Tia Mowry), upon running into an ex, on The Game

”Oh, I’m so numb up there I wouldn’t know if you hit bone.”
—Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams), after Betty worries about injecting the diva’s Botox, on Ugly Betty

”She went to bed with Jesus and woke up with you…. You’re a rebound from Jesus.”
—Billy Riggins (Derek Phillips), on brother Tim’s relationship with Lyla, on Friday Night Lights

”Are you going to tell him the truth now, or are you going to wait until he kills me and blinds himself?”
—Tom (Doug Savant), to wife Lynette after their son fell for her fake teenage-girl online profile, on Desperate Housewives

For daily video recaps of all the best Sound Bites, go to ew.com/soundbites