'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' premiere: A heinous new obsession

You should unequivocally be tarred and feathered if you’re silly enough to tune in to the third iteration of a television show, like Bravo’s newest Housewives spin-off, The Real Housewives of Atlanta. How stupid does Bravo think we viewers are? It’s the same show with different faces and wrapping! But, um, I watched the premiere last night. And, erm, it was completely worth it.

Honestly, Atlanta is essentially the same as Orange County and New York City, but it’s fabulously ridiculous, so who cares, right? In true Housewives fashion, the newest ladies—DeShawn, Kim, NeNe (pictured), Lisa, and Shereé—are total she-beasts dripping in new money and all the things it can buy ’em. Kim wrote a $68,763 check on the spot for a new Cadillac Escalade. “Do I know if that’s a fair price or not?” she questioned. “No. Am I driving off the lot in five minutes? Yes.” J’adore her money-is-no-object attitude!

The twist in Atlanta is that there’s this whole sports-wives thing going on. Three of the ladies (DeShawn, Shereé, and Lisa) are married to—or divorced from—an NBA or NFL star. From the promos, it looks like there’s gonna be some throwing down about whether it’s better to be an basketballer’s wife or a footballer’s wife. For no reason other than the fact that I like football more, I’m on Team NFL! The other two ladies (NeNe and Kim) are with businessmen. Or as the ever-apt NeNe so correctly put it, “Atlanta is the black Hollywood.”

Based on that appetizing first episode, here are the three things I’m looking forward to seeing more of this season:

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1. Atlanta bling! Now, I know excessive wealth is a Housewives trademark,but holy smokes! DeShawn and Shereé have entire staffs that take careof all their needs. In the first five minutes, DeShawn said that shewas “in the process of interviewing key staff members.” The key wordbeing “key.” Then, I’m guessing, those “key” staff members—she mentioned an estatemanager, an executive housekeeper, a maid crew, a chef, a governess,and a nanny—will hire other lesser staff members. Don’twant to get bogged down with the riff-raff staff! I’m luuuurving theway they do things in Atlanta.

2. Lucy and Ethel, aka NeNe and Kim! Upon meeting thelarger-than-life pair, you can tell these two b-fris are going to getinto some major trouble. Wacky schemes seem like their jam. Last night,when Kim had to pick up her altered dress in a Shell gas stationparking lot, NeNe helped shield her with her coat while she changedright there. Now that’s friendship.

3. The brewing battle between NeNe and Shereé! Granted NeNe made a bigger deal out of the dust-up than she should have (hello, this isreality TV!), but Shereé did diss her by leaving her off the guest listfor her birthday party. Who knows if Shereé did itintentionally or not, but either way, it’sstroking what should be a rather grand battle between these two divas.Just because she seems completely insane, I’m on Team NeNe. Early in theepisode, she said, “I don’t keep up with the Joneses. I am theJoneses.” That’s right. You tell ’em, NeNe! Meanwhile, I can’t figureShereé out. Why exactly does she need all that staff? And a publicist?!What’s she got to publicize? Her impending divorce?

So, PopWatchers, don’t deny it—I know you watched, too! Who’s yourfavorite new housewife? Do you think Shereé actually intended for NeNeto be left off the party list? What are you looking forward to seeingmore of this season?