My opinion of Paris Hilton has followed an up-and-down trajectory, not unlike the recent perambulations of Wall Street. Let’s review her major career highlights (by year) and listen to her brand-new single, “My BFF,” in the context of the recent financial-sector collapse.

1987 Paris Hilton celebrates her sixth birthday. The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunges a record 507.99 to 1,738.74, a drop of 22.6 percent that becomes known as the Black Monday crash.

2001 Paris has her first film cameo in Zoolander. The Dow takes another massive hit, falling 684.81 to close at 8,920.70, the largest dollar loss in history.

2003 The unofficial Paris sex video appears online; Fox reality show The Simple Life, starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, debuts. The Dow rises 86.30 to close at 10,008.16, its first close above 10,000 since May 27, 2002

2006 Paris releases her eponymous debut album, Paris, on vanity label Heiress Records. The Dow rises 56.99 to close at 11,727.34, establishing a new all-time closing high.

2007 Paris serves a widely publicized sentence in a Los Angeles County jail facility. The Dow loses 416.02 to close at 12,216.24, a decline of 3.29%

2008 Paris releases her first political ad; her new single, “My BFF,” is played on Ryan Seacrest’s On Air radio show. Banks around the country fail, a last-ditch effort to win bipartisan support for a $700 billion bailout bill falls through, and the Dow suffers a severe 777 point loss (7.0%), its worst point loss on record.

NEWS ANALYSIS: Due to the totally jank nature of “My BFF” — and I’ll admit, I did not totally loathe Paris’ last single, “Stars Are Blind” — I’m not surprised the market took the hit it did. But PopWatchers, what do you think of the single? Have you watched her new reality show, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF? Do you think it’s time someone furnished Paris with a parachute? Made of lead?

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Hell to the No!
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