Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

”You need a specialist to remove those kind of warts. Preferably one with experience spelunking.”
—House (Hugh Laurie), messing with Dr. Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein), on House

”I never do what I don’t want to do, except on the second date — and that’s just good manners.”
—Christine Campbell (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) on The New Adventures of Old Christine

”May I hold your dog while you cry?”
—The socially stellar Brennan (Emily Deschanel), to a woman whose veterinarian ex was just found dead, on Bones

”I was high-fiving 15-year-old me through the space-time continuum. ‘We did it! We did it, you masturbating little bastard!”’
—Ted (Josh Radnor), after learning that his fiancée is also a lover of Star Wars, on How I Met Your Mother

”Mind your cleavage. It’s putting me off a bit.”
—Len Goodman, to the busty Cloris Leachman, on Dancing With the Stars

For daily video recaps of all the best Sound Bites, go to ew.com/soundbites