American Psycho, Christian Bale
Credit: Kerry Hayes

Get ready for the biggest feel-good Broadway musical since Sweeney Todd: it’s the forthcoming stage version of American Psycho. Yes, according to Variety, someone really is making a musical out of Bret Easton Ellisnotorious novel about an ’80s Wall Street yuppie/serial killer. Ellis’ Patrick Bateman will soon be showing theatergoers his custom-crafted business cards and slashing his way into their hearts, perhaps to the show-stopping strains of Huey Lewis’ “Hip to Be Square.” (The rights holders haven’t yet hired a librettist or a composer, but Lewis and Phil Collins probably aren’t too busy right now.) No word on whether the orchestra seats will be under plastic sheeting to protect theatergoers from the spatters, like at a Gallagher show.

What was it about Ellis’ 1991 novel, and the 2000 movie adapted from it, that suddenly sang, “Broadway musical!” to the producers? As one of them told Variety, “Now in particular it seems relevant, especially given what’s happening on Wall Street.” That’s true, even if the current financial bloodbath is just a metaphorical one (so far). Still, if the fiscal meltdown continues, who’ll be able to afford to pay upwards of $100 a ticket to see a gruesome satire of the excesses of consumer capitalism?

It would be fun to see Christian Bale (pictured) reprise his movie role (and we know from Newsies he can sing and dance), but his dance card is a little full these days. Oh well, at least there’s no shortage of American Psycho Idol also-rans who could fill Patrick Bateman’s wingtips. (Michael Johns, this is your now!) Any additional suggestions for the producers on how to make Psycho a killer at the Tonys and at the box office are welcome in the comments section below.

addCredit(“Kerry Hayes”)