1. Kanye West arrested for vandalism after scuffle with paparazzi
Don’t make him pull a Sharpie on you — he will give you a funny mustache.
2. Pregnant Angie Harmon says her girl-heavy household is already ”like a Justin Timberlake concert”
To the extent that Justin Timberlake himself is often there, crowd-surfing.
3. Britney Spears throws her sons a car-and-truck-themed birthday party
Every child went home with a new car or truck, creating only slightly more havoc than usual on the Pacific Coast Highway.
4. Four-letter words found in Batman comics
Who the WHAM! let this BIFF!-ing happen?
5. Lindsay Lohan to Sarah Palin: ”You’re not a celebrity.”
Now you know why they call her the Lloyd Bentsen of Beverly Hills.
6. Jessica Alba appears in bondage gear to encourage young people to vote in November
It’s part of a drive to register every fetish.
7. Victoria Beckham calls David ”my muse” for fashion design Guess that would explain why everything she designs features hexagonal black-and-white patches.
8. George Takei marries longtime partner
He’s finally discovered a planet where gay marriage is legal!
9. Best-selling spy novelist and former spy John le Carré says he was once tempted to defect to Russia
This explains his least popular novel, You Da Man, Brezhnev.
10. NBC has already sold 85 percent of Super Bowl ad time
At this rate, they’ll soon have to start selling off parts of the game itself — starting with that always lousy third quarter.