By Michael Ausiello
Updated July 30, 2020 at 11:50 AM EDT

Question: Do you have any scoop on the season premiere of Desperate Housewives? — Andrea
Since last week’s pop Grey’s Anatomy quiz was such a critical and commercial success, what do you say we make a game of the Housewives premiere as well — only this time with an added twist: The answer is hidden somewhere in this week’s column! Fun, right?! Okay, which of the following events take place in this season’s first two episodes:

A. A main Housewife is horrified to learn that one of her kids has developed romantic feelings for her.
B. An uncooked pot roast comes between one of Housewives‘ core couples.
C. A beloved (four-legged) Wisterian goes missing.
D. Mike, Susan and Jackson (a.k.a. Susan’s new BF) engage in a kinky threesome. Sort of.
E. All of the above

Well, what are you waiting for?! Start hunting for that answer!

Question: What’s Gale Harold up to in the Desperate Housewives premiere? — Kristy
Pretty much the same thing he was up to in every episode of Queer as Folk: He’s naked and having sex.

Question: Any teases for tomorrow night’s Burn Notice finale? — Jesse
Considering it was directed by one of my childhood idols, former Falcon Crest showrunner Jeff Freilich, it’s hardly a surprise that it ranks as one of my favorite episodes BN episodes of all time. The highlights: Not only are there two awesome action sequences, but the eppy includes one of the most intense Michael-Fiona scenes to date.

Question: Hey, sexy man! I know you usually don’t dish much about Prison Break, but any chance you’ve heard any tidbits regarding our favorite convicted felon and his lady doctor now that they’ve reunited? — Andrea
Me? Sexy? I’m blushing! Or I’m drunk! Either way, there’s some Prison Break scoop coming your way: Don’t get too attached to Michael and Sara, because their (presumably happy) ending may not be that far off. Executive producer Matt Olmstead tells me that he’s prepared for the possibility that this could be the show’s final season. “There’s a shelf life to serialized dramas,” he notes. “If this is the last season, we’re not mourning that because it’s been a great ride and we have a great season [ahead].” Olmstead adds that if Fox does decide to lower the ax, “we’ll definitely have enough time to prepare for an appropriate ending….The season finale we have in mind could play as a season or series finale.” Meanwhile, the exec says he’s thrilled by the positive reaction to this season’s Ocean’s 11-esque premise. “We’ve absolutely been encouraged by the response. It took a while to get the right idea for season 4, and to have the audience supporting it is very gratifying.”

Question: Speculation is running rampant that Chase and Cameron are having a baby on House. Please tell me it’s not true. — Jessica
If it’s all right by you, I’d rather point you to this week’s episode of Ausiello TV for an answer to that question.

Question: Ugly Betty scoop — it’s been ages! — Hayley
The show threw itself a party Monday night to celebrate its season 3 premiere, not to mention its relocation to New York, and guess who was there! Me! Okay, now guess who wasn’t there! Christopher Gorham and Freddy Rodriguez! Okay, now guess who asked America Ferrera about her absentee lovers! Me again! “Betty’s decision at the beginning of this season is not an ending to anything,” Ferrera insisted. “It’s more about huge beginnings for her. Christopher Gorham, who we love and adore, and Freddy Rodriguez, who is wonderful and so great on our show, are not gone [forever]. You’ll never know when they’ll pop in or pop out, but they’ll be around. ” Guess who’s a little skeptical! Yep, me!

Question: Do you have any inside info on what season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy holds for Izzie and Alex? Their chemistry is great. — Traci
Let’s just say you’ll have a really good idea where these two are headed by the end of the two-hour opener on Sept. 25 — which, BTW, I just watched and really enjoyed. Turns out Kevin McKidd is all that and a bag of chips.

Question: What’s going on with Grey’s Anatomy‘s Callica (Callie and Erica)?! — Ally
There’s an awesome, awkward, totally endearing scene between the two of them at the end of the premiere. Sara Ramirez, in particular, is just fantastic. Meanwhile, looking ahead, there’s buzz that Callica may not be the only members of Seattle Grace’s rapidly expanding LGBT community. Although I haven’t been able to confirm this, there’s a rumor going around that when the casting call for the new female intern went out last month, interested parties were told they had to be comfortable making out with both men and women. Coincidence then that the actress who got the role hails from The L Word? Only time will tell!

Question: How about some Grey’s Anatomy scoop on someone other than Mer-Der or Yang-Kevin McKidd? — CB
The show is casting the role of a female patient who develops a multi-episode crush on one of the docs. My guess: We’re looking at a potential new love interest for McSteamy.

Question: Okay, I need Heroes or Supernatural scoop, or Gargamel and me will hunt you down because we’re tight like that. That is all. — Ashley
I don’t take kindly to threats, Ashley. I give in to them, sure, but I don’t take kindly to them. So I’m only going to give you Supe scoop. “Coming up in the middle of the season, there’s an episode titled ‘Afterschool Special’ in which the boys investigate a haunting at one of the high schools they attended as kids,” exec producer Eric Kripke tells me. “As they investigate, we’ll see flashbacks to what high school was like for Sam and Dean.” Sounds fun, right? It won’t be. Adds Kripke: “It wasn’t pretty.”

Question: It’s been a little over a year since the last season of Big Love. What’s happening? Did it get the boot, or is there a new season coming soon? Thanks for the scoop! — Amanda
Welcome! So, although all HBO is saying is 2009 — could they vague that up a little more? — intel is already beginning to leak. And here is a biggie: Turns out one of the wives may have a surprise daughter. As in, she’s had this daughter for more than a decade! Casting is already underway for the youngster, who’s said to be a dead ringer for Mom.

Question: Got Greek scoop? — Nina
A big ol’ hunk of it. The show is casting a new freshman for season/cycle/whatever 4, a hot jock named Andy who’ll be torn between rushing the KT and OX houses. So now that you know this possibly recurring character is a jock, does the hunk joke make more sense to you? Oh, and the dude’s also a friend of Calvin’s, so I’ll be probably inundated with a bunch of closed-minded, “Is he gay, too?!” questions. (I’m e-mailing creator Sean Smith to find out!)

Question: You totally work in my building! I saw you walking past the Cosi yesterday and almost called out your name before I realized that we don’t know each other! How ’bout some scoop on my favorite show of all time — Dexter! Meet you at the Subway for a cold-cut combo tomorrow? — Cindy
Screw that. Let’s go to happy hour at my fave watering hole, Stalker Alert. As for Dex, ‘memba the jaw-dropping twist at the end of the season premiere that I teased last month? Well, it involves D**t*r *e****n* * *a***. Jaw-dropping, right?

Question: Fringe was so awesome! Got any scoop? — Olivia
You betcha. The show is already beefing up its cast, adding to the roster an as-yet-unchosen actor to play the recurring role of Ian Spencer, a twenty-to-thirtysomething hipster whose forensics expertise comes in handy on tough cases. Not sure if his sense of humor helps, too, but hey, can’t hurt, right?

Question: Any word on the direction of Jim and Pam’s relationship on The Office? I fear they are going to give us a Ross and Rachel swerve by breaking them up to make us want it that much more. — Cory
Please. I already said too much last week with the rain thing. But I will tell you this: The show is casting a 30-to-50-year-old plain Jane who must be able to speak French fluently. And we all know how much Jim likes average-looking gals. Too bad Santa Barbara alum Roberta Weiss is so hot: She’s Canadian, speaks flawless French, and in general kicks ass.

Question: With that fake rain for Jim and Pam, is the “something momentous” happy or sad? — Laura
Don’t be surprised if there’s some crying.

Question: Any scoop on Friday Night Lights? — Natasha
Gaius Charles just wrapped his final episode as Smash, and costar Taylor Kitsch reveals that he saved the best for last. “I was involved in his last shooting scene, and, in my opinion, it was the best scene of the season [so far],” he says. “Smash and I are in the locker room just talking about memories and stuff. It really felt like old school Friday Night Lights. [Gaius] has grown so much. He’s left a very strong mark.” Meanwhile, if you’re wondering how Scott Porter’s last scene went, it’s still a ways away. Per Kitsch, Brothers & Sisters‘ future Ryan (fingers crossed!) just started work on the first of his final four episodes.

Question: Got anything big on Smallville? (Get it? Big on small?) — Josh
You’re brilliant! Smallville is putting the finishing touches on what I’m told are two of the biggest episodes in years — 8.10 and 8.11. The former marks the return of Lana, while latter is being penned by celebrated comic-book writer Geoff Johns.

Question: Any word on the status of Sarah Connor Chronicles? — Charles
I’m a little worried. The ratings for the second episode sucked big time, and if the free fall continues, I honestly don’t see how Fox can afford to keep it on the air. Very frustrating. Maybe this exclusive little casting scoopbit will help get those numbers up: Stephanie Jacobsen (Kendra Shaw of BSG: Razor) is joining the cast as a love interest for Derek (Brian Austin Green).

Question: I was wondering if you could provide any insight into the “demise” of Jim on Ghost Whisperer. Please tell me he won’t exist on the show as a ghost! — Alyssa
I’ll be answering all of your questions — okay, most of your questions — in the very near future. Like on Friday when the new issue of EW goes on sale. In totally unrelated news, the answer is E) All of the above.

Question: Really enjoyed the series premiere of Privileged. I was wondering if there has been any news as to who has been cast as Megan and Lily’s dad. — Scott
Sounds like someone skimmed last week’s AA. Don’t make me include a multiple-choice scavenger hunt every week. Because I will. Now, here’s some new Privileged casting scoop: Kathy Najimy has been tapped to play Rose and Sage’s publicist in at least two episodes.

Question: With all the negative spoilers out there, why should Danny-Lindsay fans even bother watching season 5 of CSI: NY? — Amy
Two words: Scott Wolf. Sources confirm that the former Party of Fiver is the latest VIP to sign up for the show’s 100th episode.

Question: Got any good Gossip Girl scoop? I’m not a fan of those new Nate-Jenny pictures. — Claire
Luckily, one of my moles happened to be at the scene of the Nate-Jenny smoochfest in downtown Manhattan over the weekend, and she filed this exclusive, eyewitness report: “I’m not entirely sure how the scene fits into the episode, but Jenny was storming out of a club with Nate chasing behind. It was hard to hear what they were saying (bunch of damn mumblers), but Jenny was uber-pissed at Nate, Nate tried to reassure her, Jenny kissed him once and turned to run away, and then he grabbed her arm, turned her around, and the making out commenced. That was about it.”

Question: Can you help ease the pain of waiting for new episodes of Lost by telling me whether Jeff Fahey will be returning to the show? He was great, and it seems like there’s some backstory to explore there, don’t you think? — David B.
He’s coming back! Doc Jensen says so right here!

Question: Any update on the search for Ryan on Brothers & Sisters? — Jess
Auditions are taking place as we speak. BTW, I hear the first Walker that Ryan encounters is, appropriately enough, Rebecca. Although I guess technically she’s a former Walker.

Okay, that does it for this week. Major housekeeping note: Emmy weekend is just days away, and that can only mean one thing: I’m going to Hollywood! If you’ve got questions for any of this year’s nominees, e-mail them to me at ASAP. And then be sure to bookmark’s Emmy Central for complete coverage of TV’s biggest night, including exclusive video of me interviewing scores of famous people — first at EW’s pre-Emmy soiree Saturday night, and then at the main event on Sunday. Wish me luck even though I won’t need it! (Additional reporting by Lindsay Soll and Andy Patrick)