TV's funniest lines from Sept 5 to 11

”We must take it One Day at a Time to restore Good Times and Happy Days. Whether you’re Married…With Children or just Friends, Cheers to you. Monday Night Football.”
—Jon Stewart, adding to Barack Obama’s convention-speech applause line ”Eight is enough,” on The Daily Show

”Wow. She’s being more supportive than a pair of Spanx.”
—Ashleigh (Amber Stevens), on Frannie’s (Tiffany Dupont) new and improved attitude, on Greek

”’N Sync’s fans were young, screaming teenage girls, which are nowhere close to what you find in prisons. I thought I was gonna be taken outside and hanged.”
—Chris Kirkpatrick, on singing Patsy Cline’s ”Crazy” in front of 400 inmates, on Gone Country 2

”She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she’s in high heels and a bikini.”
—Jimmy Kimmel, on VP nominee Sarah Palin, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

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