Would it kill John Mayer to date someone famous?

Happy post-Labor Day, everyone. Along with “Everyone Pissed To Be Back At Work, School” and “Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World,” John Mayer and the blonde waitress are the hottest news on the planet today. Now go spill something thick and colorful on your horrifyingly all-white outfit, and you can headline the Internet, too!