Headlining the “news” right now: Michael Phelps’ mom, Debbie, is in talks with clothing company Chico’s for an endorsement deal. Not familiar with Chico’s? You definitely know the commercials — imagine the phrase “Chico’s is beautifullll…” uttered repeatedly in a voice intended to knock you out cold on your couch. If true, this could turn out to be my favorite, and the least consequential, endorsement deal of all time. She’s so Chico’s!

Meanwhile, Debbie’s less famous son Michael, who has already, hilariously, signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Frosted Flakes instead of a gross “healthy” cereal, now has a $1.6 million deal to recall his eight Beijing races in book form. Silly publishers. Don’t they know we can just watch them online, instead…forever? Anyway, Michael, I officially volunteer to be the person you tell all your stories to whothen writes the book for you. All I’d want in return is one of your medals for personal use as a desk prop. That’s such a good deal, it’d be like winning a ninth gold medal. So you’d end up having eight again! Call me.

There you have it. America’s favorite family for about two more weeks is damn near unstoppable! Yeah, not a lot is going on. What do you want from us? This. I think you want this.

addCredit(“Michael and Debbie Phelps: Richard Drew/AP”)