U.S. beach volleyball gods Phil “The Thin Beast” Dalhausser and his equally studly partner Todd “The Professor” Rogers annihilated hotshot Brazilian duo Marcio Araujo and Fabio Magalhaes in last night’s gold-medal match that ended way past your bedtime. The 6’9″ Dalhausser, now officially My Favorite Olympian, totally dominated the final set with three stuff blocks in a row, the most endearing of which was #3 because the ball knocked Fabio (himself nicknamed “Jaws,” and this would be why) on the cheek on its way down. YEAH! Stuffed-crust pizza in yo’ FACE, Jaws! U.S.A. sweeps the beach! Aside from Dalhausser’s clutch finish, the best part of the v-ball telecast might have been the nonchalant manner in which the commentators used the guys’ nicknames: “…unfortunately, the Thin Beast isn’t getting many serves…” “…Jaws is just getting harpooned by the Thin Beast…” “…now, Karch, what do we think the Professor just said to Jaws up at the net?” And my favorite: “Jaws is upset.”

PopWatcher Katja supports my pick — she aptly labeled Rogers and Dalhausser “both physically and celebratorily studly – did you SEE the adorable man-hug-tackle they shared?” Oh, I did. And may have pretended I was included in it. But, uh, let’s move on.

U.S. women’s soccer won their final, too! I didn’t get tosee it, but Carli Lloyd absolutely deserves triple-co-stud status –the central midfielder scored the only goal, six minutes into overtime,in the U.S.’ second straight Olympic gold-medal triumph over Brazil. Canadian platform diver Emilie Heymans almost ruined China’s 7-for-7 winning streak, but 15-year-old phenom Chen Ruolin kept it alive. If you combined all six of Ruolin’s tiny non-splashes over the course of last night’s final, they’d make up roughly one substantial ripple. Amazing. U.S. women’s water polo took silver, and three Americans — Mike Day, Donny Robinson, and Jill Kintner — medaled in yesterday’s inaugural BMX finals.

Meanwhile, the U.S. went 1-2-3 in the 400-meter track final. LaShawn Merritt pulled way ahead for the win — I loved the way he denied, during his post-race interview, having any doubt it was possible to beat teammate Jeremy Wariner by a whole second.Aw hell to the no! And finally, be sure to press play on the video player below to see David Neville‘s so-ridiculous-you-have-to-see-it-in-slo-mo DIVE across the finish line for the bronze medal. Enjoy!