'Greatest American Dog' recap: Salvador Doggy

As if having to watch Greatest American Dog instead of the Olympics wasn’t painful enough, last night’s episode featured the pups painting. Why do dogs need to paint, and why do judges need to critique their work? Even I, who lost her s— (in a good way) when she read that straight-to-DVD Anacondas 3: The Offspring stars David Hasselhoff, couldn’t find the joy in this. Here’s what happened:

– With Brandy gone, Travis was finally free to make googly eyes at Laura, though Laura appeared to be putting the moves on Travis’ Boxer, Presley.

– Dog Bone Challenge: The week’s theme was intelligence, and the dogs had to find their way around a three-wall structure to a plate of food. Though Beth Joy was confident that mutt Bella Starlet would win — Bella Starlet once took an IQ test and she was smarter than Beth Joy — Bill’s Brittany, Star, did it in the fastest time, 8.34 seconds. Bill repaid Teresa for her kindness last week by offering her the Suite and the leg-up in the Best in Show Challenge — painting a picture that best represents the bond you have with your dog, with only the dog being allowed to actually apply the paint. Before we move onto that, can we just discuss how whipped Laurie’s Maltese, Andrew, is? He wouldn’t leave her side for chicken and bacon. Is he the most well-trained dog or far too codependent?

– Painting was difficult for everyone, but really, it tested thehuman’s intelligence more than the dog’s. My early favorites, Laura andPomeranian Preston (pictured), struggled not because he’s a tiny dog,but because Laura had him nudge over an entire bottle of paint thatflooded underneath her stencil. To deflect attention from her failure,Laura threw Beth Joy under the bus for putting sponges on BellaStarlet’s paws — which made her yelp a couple of times. Bella Starletis a rescue dog, who has issues with her front paws being touched,period. Travis later came to Beth Joy’s defense, assuring the judgesthat she was protective of Bella Starlet and had simply beenhelping her through her phobia. (Think Laura gave Travis her numberafter that?) Laurie and Andrew and JD and English Pointer Border CollieGalaxy rounded out the bottom three because Laurie was unimaginativeand JD didn’t realize that he put the letter stencils on Galaxy’sjacket backwards. (Honestly, I can’t blame him for trying to pretendthat he’d wanted her to roll out FUN as NUF as part of his playtheme. In front of judges, you’re supposed to pretend mistakes wereintentional. Sometimes, at least.) In the end, Laura and Preston gotthe boot, while Teresa and Border Collie Leroy, who had a “dog artinstructor,” took Best in Show. (Who bought Teresa’s explanation thatthe moon represented Leroy’s ability to send her over it when hebarked? PLEASE.)

So, what was your favorite moment from this episode: Galaxy kissingJD during the elimination ceremony (nice to see her do somethingspontaneous), Travis admitting to the judges that he’s acommitment-phobe (Presley is the first being he hasn’t run from), orthe preview for next week (puppies!)? And whose side are you on in thecase of “Pawcasso”: Laura’s or Beth Joy’s?