TV's funniest lines from Aug 8 to 14

”This is what my people ate as we wandered the desert for 40 years — at least in the beginning. Then we switched to manna, which fell from the sky. Doesn’t really happen anymore. I’m thinking it’s either global warming or God is dead. I haven’t committed either way yet.”
—Andy (Justin Kirk), on distributing matzo to the group of illegal immigrants he’s transporting, on Weeds

”I am married — but just for the record, Mrs. Chen is my mother.”
—Host Julie Chen, correcting houseguest Dan, who repeatedly referred to her as ”Mrs. Chen,” on Big Brother 10

”Justin Timberlake says he’s tired of Ashton Kutcher taking credit for making trucker hats popular, because Timberlake insists he started the trend. The interview will appear in next month’s issue of Lame Feud magazine.”
—Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”She’s also been offered several lucrative contracts from a wine-cooler company, a leading duct-tape manufacturer, and a line of shovels.”
—Joel McHale, on LifeStyles Condoms offering Miley Cyrus a million dollars to be their spokesperson, on The Soup

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