The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 4, 2008

1. Michiganders sing ”Happy Birthday” to native daughter Madonna, who turns 50 on Aug. 16
Then Michigan went ahead and celebrated her next 30 birthdays. They know she’s not coming back.

2. Verne Troyer sues ex-girlfriend over sex tape release
Apparently, it’s full of slapstick and sight gags, which feel out of place in the Apatow era.

3. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 star Blake Lively does not want to go out pantie-less
Well, naturally she’s pro-pants. It’s a branding thing.

4. Lance Armstrong suggests a triathlon to decide which presidential candidate he’d work out with
And heads up, guys: Lance makes you take off your shirt in auditions.

5. Sheryl Crow says her career tanked when she cut her hair short
Like Samson, her power is in her hair. Cut it before she destroys the Hollywood Bowl!

6. Disney raises theme park prices
Do you know how much it costs to feed a six-foot mouse?

7. The prop version of the Indiana Jones Holy Grail sold for $22,500
The flashy fake grail that kills people went for twice as much.

8. Toby Keith co-writes and stars in the film Beer for My Horses
Other projects include a rom-com where a boot and an ass meet cute.

9. John McCain calls his Paris Hilton ad ”humor”; Hilton’s mom calls it ”frivolous”
When a Hilton is calling you frivolous, it’s time to think seriously about your campaign strategy.

10. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal deny they’ve set a wedding date
They sent don’t-save-the-date cards saying, ”We won’t be getting married on Oct. 22. Chicken or fish?”