If you’re a fan of awesomely bad TV, you need to see last night’s episode of Greatest American Dog. It doesn’t get any “better” than watching the owners dance with their dogs, particularly JD (pictured) who admitted to being a Michael Jackson impersonator in the ’80s. He immediately grabbed the “Hip Hop” theme for himself and English Pointer Border Collie Galaxy — excuse me, Dr. Pop and G-Money — and they turned it out in the coordination competition. They probably would have won Best in Show had JD not stolen the spotlight with all of his breakdancing. (Judges praised his choreography that involved rolling and jumping with Galaxy.) Instead, Laurie and her Maltese Andrew took the title after their ragtime routine wooed the panel. Andrew walking and stopping in perfect time with Laurie was rather impressive.

Bill and his Brittany, Star, were also standouts. For a good reason: Though Teresa and Border Collie Leroy had won the Dog Bone Challenge, which involved the pooches walking a balance beam raised over a thin layer of mud, Teresa had given the suite and the bonus prize — time with professional choreography Kashaya, whose human clients have included Gwen Stefani and Jessica Simpson — to second-place Bill. He’d been missing his family and the suite’s decor includes pictures and a letter from home. Very sweet of Teresa. Almost enough to make you forget about that snarl band incident from last week. Bill told the judges about Teresa’s sacrifice when they asked him why he was so good at his wigged (!) rockabilly routine. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what kept her out of the bottom three. Lord knows, it wasn’t Leroy’s bark-filled disco routine. (The judges didn’t feel Leroy was having fun. They said Teresa was stressing him out. Hey, a lot of people hate disco. Why should dogs be different?)

After the jump, Beacon shuts down and Brandy tears up.

I’ve never been a big fan of Brandy and her Miniature Schnauzer, Beacon. (Okay, I don’t really have anything against Beacon.) And this episode did nothing to change that. Brandy put Beacon in pajamas — strike one. She forced Beacon’s butt down when she wouldn’t sit — strike two. She wailed into her pillow when it was clear that Beacon was shutting down and asked her, “Do you even love me?” — strike three. As judge Victoria Stilwell noted after the duo’s pitiful Pas de Deux, Brandy’s intensive training had sent Beacon into learned helplessness. And those ballet slippers she put on the dog sent me (and judge Wendy Diamond) over the edge. Brandy finally got the boot. “I’m leaving with my head held high.” Yes, but your ass is wearing a tutu.

Joining Brandy in the bottom three this week were two surprises: Travis and his Boxer, Presley, and Laura and her Pomeranian, Preston. Presley was having none of Travis’ country line dancing. My favorite shot of the night was of him essentially playing dead while waiting for the judges’ remarks. It was like he was saying (barking?), “Just shoot me.” Preston also looked like he “wasn’t into dancing, whatsoever,” according to Diamond. Are all dogs born dancers? I don’t think it helped that Preston was afraid of Laura’s Latin dress, presumably on loan from Dancing With the Stars.

So, whose dance number did you enjoy most? Did you think it was weird that the show put the dogs in costumes after the judges made such a big stink about canines wearing clothing earlier in the season? And who’s on Team Bill and Star? (Should we start calling them Bar?)

Greatest American Dog
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