I don’t know anything about Twilight, but I do know a lot about crappy food. I think that more than qualifies me to grade the Twilight-inspired dishes currently offered by participating restaurants in Forks, Washington, where Stephenie Meyer’s books take place. (Hahaha — FORKS)

Bella Burger — “a hamburger bun, a patty (both vegetarian and beef patties are available), pineapple — a little sweetness to match Bella’s personality — and, of course, Sully’s secret sauce.”
Review: Can I get some gruyere cheese up in here? And whatever the hell that peanut butter-esque layer is in our spot-on pictorial rendition of this burger? Thanks!
Grade: B

Bellasagna — “packed with beef, Italian sausage, romano cheese, parmesan cheese, ricotta cheese, and mozzarella cheese and homemade tomato sauce.”
Review: I’ve had this before! It was called “lasagna.”
Grade: F

Twilight Special Subway Sandwich — “includes chicken, ham, bacon, and marinara sauce.”
Review: Gross. Stop after “bacon.”
Grade: D

That’s it! Now, feel free to post your own Twilight-inspired dishes, so I can not review them in my spare time.

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