TV's funniest lines from July 25 to 31

”It would be such a drag if the paparazzi finds our hotel, especially since we can’t even find it ourselves.”
—Denise Richards, on vacation in Hawaii with her girlfriends, on Denise Richards: It’s Complicated

”Before they close [Shea Stadium] down, they wanted to have one last Billy Joel concert. That thing’s old and disgusting. It reeks of stale beer. The stadium is even worse.”
—Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show

”There are a lot of disadvantages in being at the scene of a crime. You can get arrested, you can get yourself killed, and no matter how many times you’ve done it, it’s never fun hanging out with a dead body.”
—Michael (Jeffrey Donovan) on Burn Notice

”It’s what you wear when you’re killing someone.”
—Nina Garcia, judging Jerry’s raincoat design, on Project Runway

”It was so hot today, Angelina Jolie was nursing Ben & Jerry.”
—David Letterman on Late Show