The 10 hottest topics for the week of July 14, 2008

1. Eddie Murphy’s Meet Dave tanks at the box office
He’s learned his lesson, and will never take off his fat suit again.

2. Judge won’t jail Hulk Hogan
Instead, he ordered a Camel Clutch, a Double Snap Suplex, and three Our Fathers.

3. Emily Blunt and longtime boyfriend, singer Michael Bublé split
Noooo! Now the world will never meet little Blublé Rose McGriddle Blunt-Bublé

4. Christie Brinkley vows never to marry again
But you’re young, Christie! There are so many more awful choices left to make!

5. Shania Twain’s split has reportedly done wonders for her songwriting
She’s one crippling depression away from an opera.

6. Deadly Blessing costar Ernest Borgnine claims Sharon Stone ordered a spider’s pincers removed for a scene
This is an exaggeration. All she said was ”No tongue.”

7. Fox says execs will now come to writers’ houses to hear pitches
And if they’re not there in 30 minutes, the first season is on the house! And on right after House.

8. Kathy Griffin appears to call for deaths of The Hills cast
Second only to Sunni-Shia tension, the hatred of D-listers for E-listers is all-consuming.

9. Jewel welcomes Jessica Simpson to the country genre
At the gates of Dollywood, she presented Simpson with a complimentary hound dog, a fifth of Beam, and an extramarital affair.

10. Long-awaited Guns N’ Roses track to make its debut on Rock Band
In 2078!